40 of 100

3 10 2020

40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?

Hanging out with friends physically present is pretty unusual in the age of Covid.  We see friends via video more than any other way.  But before Covid, we usually visited at one of our houses.  We would sometimes travel with a friend or two, with Provincetown, MA, being our most frequent destination.  And would often see other friends, too, while in Provincetown, sometimes enjoying meals out, or performances.  Pre-covid, we would also meet friends in Manhattan occasionally for a show or event.





39 of 100

2 10 2020

39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?

Not only is it possible, but it seems quite natural.  My husband and I have several close female friends that have been by far our longest lasting friendship circle. 

Maybe the question was intended as, “Is it possible for heterosexual guys and heterosexual girls to be just friends.”  If so, then all I can do is speculate, as I’m not either.    But since it is possible for gay, bi, and straight men to be friends, I don’t think it should be that difficult. 





38 of 100

4 11 2019

38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?

I definitely choose to be in a relationship.  I don’t feel like the honeymoon period is over for my husband and me, although I guess it is by some measures.

We don’t still face every day in a goo-eyed trance, but our relationship has never been stronger.  We have replaced the butterflies with an unshakable confidence that we are better together, and are fully committed to us. 

We’ve been together almost 22 years, and have certainly been through more than our fair share of struggles, including 20 years of seemly endless medical hurdles.  He is my rock, and I am his.  He is also my hope, my joy, my comfort, and my hero.

We know from experience that we put each other first, and support each other no matter what.  We never had to wonder how we could survive situation x, because we have already survived so many terrible, unexpected, and undeserved obstacles.  We have not only survived, but have thrived and become much more successful in many ways than we would have ever once dared to dream.

We are best friends, and share a dream for our lives and future.  We continue to have endlessly wonderful adventures, and plan and invest in our future as if we will always be together.  May it always be so.





37 of 100

2 11 2019

37. What is one thing you could never forgive?

This is tough one. I’m grasping for an answer. The most difficult people for me to forgive would probably be those who hurt my husband. I prefer to think there would never be a situation where, with at least some distance, I couldn’t forgive someone seeking forgiveness. It can be a challenge to forgive those don’t seem to think they did anything wrong, and who don’t seek forgiveness.

 





36 of 100

31 10 2019

36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?

The easy answer is, “No”. I don’t want to be responsible for the death of others. But I would probably want to check for any fine print in the agreement I’d be making.

If the ten people are in great pain and/or suffering and seek death as a relief, then maybe it might be a deal worth considering.

If the ten people are selected from those who bring pain and suffering to others, and whose loss might prolong and/or improve the life of others, again it might be a deal worth considering.

What would the ten “extra” years be like? Would they be ten years of good mental and physical health? Would they be a horrific extension of life at all costs, regardless of the suffering this person might go through?

If someone could make such a deal, ensuring the ten years would be good, then I might instead see if they would take my life in exchange for prolonging the other’s life.

What would it mean for my entire worldview if any sort of deal were possible? Who could possible make such an offer? How could I trust such powerful being to do right by any of us, when they can take life so easily?

You never know what you might do in such a hypothetical situation until/unless it occurs. Since I don’t think it’s possible for this situation to occur, I’ll stick with my original, “No.”





35 of 100

29 10 2019

35.  What is “normal?” Are you normal?

I think it means mainstream. I don’t think I am normal by that definition. Here are a few examples of why I don’t think of myself as normal.

I care way too much about fairness to be normal.

I really believe we should all do our best.

I very often put other people’s needs ahead of my own.

I don’t think “committed relationship” necessarily means “monogamous relationship”

I am very suspicious of religion and “God” language. But I think there is a connection many might call “spiritual”.

I believe everyone should pay their fair share of taxes, even the rich. And that many of us pay way too much relative to others. I also believe that government in the US is deliberately structured to give money to private companies and make the rich richer. Government would be much more efficient if so much work wasn’t contracted out to companies whose only goal is to rip off the US government (taxpayers) for their own profit.

I can be great at chit chat and in most social situations, but I don’t make friends easily. It is real struggle for me to stay as connected to others as I do. And sometimes have to really push myself to interact with others beyond what is required.

I always seem to be waiting on something. Waiting to get out of school. Waiting to get a job. Waiting for some work situation. Waiting for the time I can retire. To the extent that I wonder sometimes if I’ve missed whatever it was I was supposed to be doing. And yet part of me thinks I’ll have accomplished the goal of just surviving it once all the waiting is over some day.

I am passionate about many things, but I doubt most people would think so.  How would they even know?





34 of 100

22 09 2017

34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit?

I’m not sure this qualifies as a quirky habit, but I tend to think that objects belong in a specific place.  For example, I try to always leave my keys in the same place, because that is the place I’ll expect them to be when I need them.  I tend to have such spots for most things.  I think it is partly so I don’t have to spend so much time or energy searching for things.  The downside is, if an object is left in the “wrong” place, it can be very difficult to find because I literally wouldn’t have intentionally left it anywhere else.





33 of 100

29 01 2017

33. If you could go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?

It’s difficult to say at exactly when I would go back to in my younger days.  If I thought I would be ready to understand what I would tell myself now, I think maybe 9th grade or the summer between high school and college.

I’ve historically been very hard on myself, and had incredibly low self esteem.  Even now I struggle with these issues, and struggle to take care of myself as well as I should.  Going back, I would talk to my younger self about these issues, and the pronounced negative impact they have over time.  Since even now I am a work-in-progress on these issues, I don’t really know if much of a positive change would result.  Still, it would certainly be worth the effort.

Growing up gay in a family, church, community, and country that relived gay people certainly didn’t help me find a good path early.  While I was closeted, of course, I now realize everyone probably knew.  But I spent enormous effort trying to deny and change that part of myself.  I was so consumed by that effort, and felt such shame, that I really couldn’t see any of the positives that I had going for me.  I was a smart kid that did well in school.  I was very healthy, tall, thin, and energetic.  But I really saw myself as ugly, not smart enough, and fat.  (I was utterly shocked as an adult in my 30’s when I visited my parents and saw pictures of my younger self.  I was rail thin.  I remember the difficulty mom always had buying pants for me – because I was too tall and thin.  But somehow I always really thought I was fat.)  I was not only ashamed of my self for not being like the other guys, but I was also ashamed of my body.  I struggle with this still today.

As a result, I became very focused internally. I really didn’t know that other people had struggles, too.  While always polite, I would never let people get too close.  And still today I it is difficult for me to build strong connections with other people.  Even as a child I was treated so differently from my straight, athletic, outgoing, golden-boy brother, as my patents always sought to isolate me.  I don’t think they had negative intentions, but – and I’m speculating – I think were afraid if other people spent much time with me, or got to know me, they would see the terrible thing inside me (being gay).  The hope that they were trying to protect me is all I can come up with in any positive way to explain why they never wanted me to grow friendships or explore the world on my own.  They only three times ever gave me permission to go a friend’s house.  Once was to stay overnight with a classmate (sixth grade).  Once was to take a girl valentines flowers and chocolates (eight grade).  And once was to hang out with classmates after high school graduation.  As a background note – I never told anyone I was gay, or had a boyfriend, or engaged in any same-sex kissing, etc, until I was almost 30.

I was also not allowed to drive myself virtually anywhere, even though my brother was allowed to go with friends on trips out of town and even stay overnight at hotels.  I was never allowed to do such things.

By the time I got to college, I was so inside-my-own-head, and in such a shame spiral, that I still didn’t make new friendship connections, even though I was on my own.  I couldn’t even imagine why anyone would want to befriend me to spend any time around me.

So, I would love to talk to my younger self about all of that, but I don’t know how much impact one such conversation would have.  I think I would need periodic visits to check in with myself and see how things were going.  A single point of attempted intervention would likely have limited impact compared to lifetime of love, encouragement, and support that was needed.





32 of 100

23 01 2017

32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?

No!  I might like living somewhere that allows walking to most regular destinations, but I love driving.  The occasional leisurely drive to nowhere-in-particular is great for clearing the mind and relaxing the body.  I’ve never had a particularly sporting car, and have had several entry level small cars.  Still, each has had it’s own personality and I’ve loved them all.  Some have been more special than others, but driving is wonderful when you aren’t stuck in traffic or battling rough weather conditions.





31 of 100

22 01 2017

31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?

When I was a teenager I bought some subliminal cassette tapes which supposedly had positive messages on them.  I don’t remember all of the areas they covered, but I seem to remember the areas being along the lines of self confidence, memory, good health, and similar areas.  I don’t remember the purchase specifically, but I had to have paid by check, as I wouldn’t have had a credit card at the time.  So it’s possible it was a purchase based on an advertisement in a magazine, instead of something on television.  I have no idea if the tapes had any impact, and also have no idea whatever happened to the them.  I’m not likely to spend money frivolously on myself, don’t tend to be trusting of advertisements, and I’m not much of spontaneous shopper.